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There’s not even a pseudo-financial explanation that charity and altruism increase one’s value in the “sexual marketplace” and perhaps volunteering at the local pet shelter might spur women to overlook their chortling over “Grab ’em by the pussy” jokes. The men showed up in the first place, and so they’ve done their part; now women have to come across.One of the underlying themes of Laber’s complaints about assortative mating is that this came about because of the increase in rights and opportunities for women.“I’ve done as much as I’m going to do and doing any more is unfair,” they cry.And then, when those dates don’t magically appear, they complain that women are being too demanding and should “give us sex, dammit,” which works about as well as you might expect.However, in practice, it doesn’t always work that way. After all, the last time you want to find out that your partner is firmly anti-choice is when you’re trying to find an open pharmacy that can give you Plan B.It’s easy for Laber to snort with derision about how this is “causing people to see an opposing viewpoint as an all-out assault on their personhood”, but is a good start, it’s a little understandable why someone might not want to scramble their DNA with someone who thinks that every sperm is sacred and is willing to back that belief up with legislation. Assortative mating serves to intensify this polarization.Laber is, indeed, correct that he and his cohorts that women are performing some sort of Lysistrata-esque pork-out against white nationalists and their quislings…it’s that their refusal to consider conservative boners contributes to increased political polarity.
And while it’s tempting to define this as “we like all the same things,” compatibility has far more to do with shared expectations and values than it does with hobbies. On the surface, differing religious views seem like a relatively minor obstacle to overcome: you believe in what you believe, your partner believes in what they believe and as long as you two don’t come to blows over it, it’s all good. Considering that most couples will be having sex, and pregnancy is one of the risks accompanied with sexual activity, it makes sense that one would want to know in advance whether the two of you are on the same page about reproductive rights. One of the keys to making a relationship work is to know in advance what your pregnancy plan is.
And with the number of people who are either queer themselves or have LGBTQ friends and family, it’s not unreasonable to prefer to date people who will reaffirm the basic humanity of their loved ones. It amplifies an already significant ingroup-outgroup mentality around contentious social issues.
But while we’re at it: One of the things that’s significant about Laber’s screed is who he’s directing it towards: women. Social and cultural issues create severe disagreement because they trigger the emotional part of the brain: the disagreement challenges a core part of group identity.
However, in getting things half right, author Jarrod Laber manages to be absurdly wrong at the same time.
While others have covered the hot takes about why this is stupid, I would like to take a different angle.
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People have always engaged in assortative mating of some kind or another, but as social scientist Charles Murray explains in his book “Coming Apart: The State of White America, 1960–2010,” there was a shift to a particular type of mating in the ‘60s which continues through the present day.