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Sam had forgotten to log out of his secret e-mail account, the one he used to schedule hook-ups with escorts, exotic masseuses, and women he met in online chat rooms.
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He was rarely home; when he wasn't spending time with other women, he was clocking long hours at the law firm, hoping to make partner. "But I think you should take a year to figure it out." Why Partners of Sex Addicts Benefit from the One-Year Rule The discovery of a partner's sexual compulsivity is a wake-up call. Addicts choose to cheat; they are not driven to cheat by their partners.
Stephanie had consulted with a divorce attorney and was told that she was entitled to a generous settlement package and monthly support. If both partners are committed to recovery, the marriage could actually be transformed into a real union marked by genuine intimacy and integrity. Unless physical abuse is present, or children's safety is threatened, sex addiction therapists recommend that partners spend a year in treatment before deciding whether to stay or go. This usually involves individual therapy, 12-step programs such as SAA, and, depending on the severity of the acting-out behaviors, an inpatient or intensive outpatient treatment program. The first step in an addict's recovery is to take responsibility for hurting his partner and threatening his family's stability. These may include affairs, prostitutes, massage parlors, chat rooms, masturbating to porn. Disclosures are facilitated by therapists in couples sessions.
When she confronted Sam about her discovery, he showed no remorse, and in fact blamed his sexploits on her, stating that her lack of sexual experimentation drove him to have sex with strangers.
Besides rejecting her sexually, Sam showed little interest in their daughter.